Blisters & Coffee
by Xyliette
Summary: A/U. Sequel to Buried in Sandboxes. Derek and Addison struggle to find a balance in between their careers and their home life discovering in the process that the dream life is far from any dream they've ever had. Derek/Addison.
1. Medisin

A/N: So...I started writing this forever ago because the story wouldn't leave me alone and I just never had enough direction to share but I think I've worked something out. Hopefully, we won't have the gag inducing quality of fluff that occurred last time, however, this should stay on the lighter side of the spectrum. I swear I won't kill anything...except maybe a dog or a fish. I'm open to your ideas and thoughts, especially since this is the first chapter so if you want to see something or want me to stop or want me to kill that dog then let me know and I'll see what I can do. Enjoy-

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_Medisin_  
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The lingering stares received as she slowly pushes the metal cart around the grocery store are not lost on Addison. She looks down at Carson, sleeping peacefully as always and then secures the warm blanket around her feet again while the skewed tires squeal pitifully drawing further attention to the duo. Part of her is fully aware that this is hormones and that this is the natural way of things but the other part of Addison kind of wants to scream until her throat is sore just for kicks, just to see how it feels. She would have done it in the car on the way here if she wasn't in fear of her daughter popping her blue eyes open and joining the party. She casts her glance downward as another mother, one laden with two little boys in the basket part of her cart, looks directly at her and then peers in at the infant.

"She's adorable." The woman mentions, in passing, but still slowing down enough for a conversation to occur. Addison can't but think that this would not be happening if she was in New York, people are not best friends for life with random women that they meet in stores. "How old?"

"8 days." Addison replies, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear, wishing that the shiny floor would swallow her whole.

"Well, she's a keeper." The woman grins and continues her journey for paper towels and light bulbs. Addison wasn't aware that giving her back was an option, not that she would, but the thought is entertaining enough. She keeps the smart retort to herself and pushes the squeaky wheels a little further down to retrieve the flour Izzie's list says she needs.

That incident marks the forth time she's been stopped and while growing slightly agitated that she isn't making any head way and the fact that Carson will have to be fed again sooner rather than later and they both seriously need a nap, she's still kind of pleased; beaming with pride that people don't think her baby is a scrunched up little prune of pink skin and teeth-less gums. She takes a deep breath, looks down at Izzie's perfectly legible print and ambles forward.

Sugar, vanilla, yogurt, lettuce, flour, Derek's gross cereal, eggs and bread finally loaded into the car she climbs behind the wheel and shuts the door softly. She can hear Carson beginning to stir and the option of trying to breastfeed in the car without any form of cover is sounding less appealing by the second. That comfort level with the whole process has yet to be attained. She used to think she'd just be a natural at the whole thing but life has proven her wrong once again. She jams the key in the ignition and prays that they can make it home before the crying sets in. Weaving through light traffic, she takes mental inventory of the other things she'll need to start bringing with her when they go out. All told, she's not sure she can fit it in one bag anymore and certainly the prospect of going out with three kids and all of their things is not something she is ever going to be looking forward to.

It's funny how life changes.

* * *

Derek twists the combination on his locker waiting for it to inevitably stick. He wiggles the latch and pulls up until the old welded metal can take it upon itself to be opened. Once inside, he roots around the bottom under all the spare scrub caps with ferryboats, sailboats and other water machinery until he finds the photo. It was taken just before Carson was born. Addison hated it immediately when Izzie showed them but Derek thinks it's a rather perfect example of who they have become in the last year. Collin isn't looking at the camera, certainly distracted by something shiny somewhere, and Carter is busy trying to put a florescent orange ball down the front of Addison's shirt as she reclines lazily on the couch having long since given up on her personal space because children, especially theirs it seems, don't acknowledge the concept.

He grins brightly looking at the crazy circus that is now his life. His fingers trace the twins and land on his wife's messy red hair. He's not sure he can do this. A year ago, he turned down the position of chief for various reasons. His world was falling apart in front of his eyes, Meredith refusing to acknowledge him, fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up, and screwing up his interview with the board. He didn't deserve the job then and he knew the only reason he got it was at the behest of Richard. Richard who no longer trusted Preston and who would have never in a million years given Mark chief. Which left Addison. He'd only ever gone up against her for Chief Resident and it was a foolish idea to even play along then because she swept everyone and did a brilliant job that one year of her reign.

He watched the way Richard was seemingly grooming her. Bringing her out onto the floor to direct traffic when she very well could have been up in the NICU doing something more practical, something that was better related to her training. It was apparent to Derek that she was a least a threat in the running. Instead, she scurried off to California three weeks later after refusing to talk to anyone about her reasoning. He tried to speak with her, tried to understand but ultimately it was clear he was not a part of her life any longer and that her issues were not for his ears especially since, he has come to realize, he was the root of most of them anyway.

As he shoves the picture back under his soggy lunch he realizes how very little he knows about what happened to Addison in those few short months. They've gotten busy again already and things are falling by the wayside and he didn't see it. There's no way he can take the physical and emotional toll as well as the time demands of running this surgical ward and still be the father and husband he wants to be.

He wouldn't even want to try.

* * *

"Look Derek, I know you're upset-" Richard struggles to eek out as he pushes himself up against the pillows in his hospital bed.

"You didn't even ask me Richard. I'm a little more than upset." Derek replies calmly and slips back into the chair he left a little over an hour ago.

"I don't have any other options Shep. I'm old-"

"You are not. You're fifty-eight Richard."

"Let me finish a sentence." He takes a long draw of air. "I'm old. I've been doing this a long time and I'm tired and I'm sick."

"You aren't. I got it all this time. You're going to be just fine."

"While I admire your skill and self assurance I have a feeling that this is only the beginning for me and I want Adele. I miss my wife and I want to go home Derek. I can't do that and be Chief. It's not an option."

"Why didn't you give Addison the job?" Derek blurts out, rubbing a few fingers over his pager.

"She's on maternity leave. I need someone right now and while I'm sure Addie would gladly come back in and pick up the slack she shouldn't have to. I don't want Addison running this hospital. I want you. I picked you."

"Before. Before…now. Why me?"

"You were the best man for the job. Simple as that." Richard pulls the oxygen tubes out of his nose and flings them to the side.

"Man." Derek repeats. "Man for the job."

"Oh no. Don't you dare interpret this incorrectly Derek. You were the best person for the job. Addison wasn't…she wasn't in…you know what? It's none of your business. It was my decision and it wasn't biased or discriminatory in any way shape or form."

"I wasn't insinuating that."

"Yes you were. Don't barge in on your boss and imply things that you don't know anything about. You want to know why Addison didn't get the job then you ask Addison. She can explain it better than I can." He fiddles with the IV in his hand and looks down at the mandated blue blanket over his legs. "Next Tuesday will be my last official day. I'm having the paperwork drawn up as we speak and I expect you to pull out of this sullen teenager attitude and be the surgeon I know."

Derek sinks his head into his hands. "What if…I can't do this? What if I lose her again?"

"You won't. You got a do over Derek. You've learned your lesson."

"I've been home twenty hours in the last week, you know that? Twenty Richard. I can't expect Addison to put up with that…and my kids…I don't want this. I want to be a dad not a father. I want to play catch and learn Russian so I can understand what they hell they are always babbling about and I want to be home the first time Carson laughs or crawls or walks…and I can't do that and be Chief."

Richard sighs, knowing full well from the beginning that this was going to be a hard sell. "You don't have to do it the way I do it. Make the position your own Derek so you can be home when she laughs. I wouldn't want you to miss that. That's not why I'm giving you this…You will change this hospital for the better. I have faith in you. I know that you'll do this the right way…not my way."

Derek pauses, falters a little because he never thought of changing the way the hospital ran. When Collin Marlow marched around with a ten-year plan all Derek had was a promise. A promise that he would do his damn best but now he sees that his best doesn't have to be working nineteen hours a day and micromanaging things. "You think I can do this?"

"If I doubted it I wouldn't have given it to you." Richard smiles.

"Ok." Derek nods, coming to terms with the idea. Perhaps the dream is achievable on both ends.

"Ok."

"But if this burns to the ground-"

"I'll be the first person behind you with a broom."

"And if Addison kicks me out-"

"Then I'll make sure Adele has the couch ready for you."

"Ok." Derek smiles. Maybe he can do both.

"I knew you'd see it my way." Richard watches as Derek stands, looking thirty years younger, full of childish energy. "Give Addie my love."

"Will do." That is as soon as he figures out a way to tell her. Now there's the tricky part.

* * *

Some people would find the fact that the twins are covered head to toe in sticky frosting and flour absolutely adorable. Addison finds it stressful. She looks over as Izzie dabs some of the thick mixture on Carter's nose and listens as he squeals with glee. She has no sweet clue what she is going to do when Izzie has to return to work, maybe throwing herself in front of the train tracks and begging and threatening will have to happen. She's simply not seeing how this woman can leave her house for good without it exploding as soon as she latches the front door closed.

She's pulled from the inner demons reminding her that she is supposed to be the "do-it-all" mother not Izzie when Collin screams, "Mama!" And jumps up and down on his chair until she sees that his nose has been adorned the same as his brother's.

"I see." Addison tries to smile and ends up cringing. Bath time is going to be a blast this evening and wishing for Derek to come home and help seems to be futile lately.

"Addison?"

"Hrrm?" She replies distracted as Izzie throws another tray of sugary cookies into the oven and sets the timer.

"You seem...Do you want to go take a nap or something? I can handle these guys and Carson appears to be down for the count." Izzie's head tilts toward the swing in the living room that lightly sways with one sleeping infant.

"I'm okay."

"I know." Izzie nods, "But maybe a nap could help you feel more okay. Besides the boys and I have a special surprise planned for you...so we need you to go upstairs for a while anyway."

Addison's eyes glaze over intensely while thinking about it. Certainly turning down a nap on whatever day is somewhat unintelligent but she's also slightly curious as to what Izzie has up her sleeves. Every day for the last week it's been something. She is literally the woman of the house and the thing that Addison can't understand is that she doesn't seem to mind. She cleans with a smile, she chases filthy children with a grin and she changes diapers like there is no horrible smell emanating from them. Addison admires it, wishes she had that sort of energy inside her but she doesn't get the drive behind it all.

She never thought her dream life could be so unrewarding and lackluster. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Izzie asks with yet another graceful smile. She snags the cookie batter out from Collin's adventurous hands and replaces it on the counter behind the island as if it is merely an afterthought. Everything looks effortless.

"You are so good with kids, I just- how do you do it?" Addison scrubs her hands over her makeup-less face and waits for the fountain of information. If someone would just tell her how to do this she'd put good money on being the best at it but she can't figure it out for herself.

Izzie shrugs, "I don't know. I like kids." She digs a finger into the batter behind her and carefully licks it clean while thinking, "I guess...I used to watch kids at the trailer park where I grew up all the time, like when their moms had graveyard shifts- we were a family. You have to kind of band together and I was the oldest one in the bunch so..." She trails off leaving the most important explanation behind- she raised her mother. Essentially, her mother needed a mother and out of necessity Isobel rose to the occasion, she's always been good at that. "Why?"

"It's nothing. I was just curious." Addison tries to smile as she watches her boys slam the flour dusted cookie cutters onto the counter and bang away happily as the sound carries through the room.

"You're doing an amazing job, you know that right?"

"Yeah. I-I...no. You think?" Addison bites down on her lip hard. It was one thing when it was just the screaming, squealing twins to run after and even then she had back up but throw a newborn into the mix and chaos occurs. They're each good and quiet in their own right and sometimes even the boys together are mild when playing and obviously all Carson ever does is sleep but for some reason the dynamic of all three of them doesn't mesh together well enough and it leaves Addison wondering if it ever will. Her children need to be compatible or she will die. There's no way around that.

"Yes." Izzie begins to rinse the empty bowls and measuring cups in the sink before loading them into the dishwasher, "I think you are doing a fantastic job and frankly when I get home at night I am exhausted." She dries her hands before ruffling the twin's dark locks, "These monsters would tire anyone out and I get to go home and recharge for the next day. You not so much so..." Izzie lightly pushes Addison away from the boys, "you should definitely take me up on this nap thing. Take them while you can, they're a precious commodity."

"You're going to be a wonderful mother." Addison says quietly as she's led from the room by Izzie's hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks." Izzie closes her eyes briefly and savors the compliment. As much as she ever wanted to be a good surgeon and a good doctor, she wants to be a good person more. She wants the relationships strong not only her cutting skills and she's always admired Addison for just that. The flaming red hair beside her honestly makes her believe day in and day out that there can be a balance. That she can be both a surgeon and person who is involved with their patients. "Boys say goodnight to mommy, she's going to take a nap."

"Nigh-nigh!" Collin screeches and his brother flails both arms in a two handed wave.  
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* * *

When Addison finally managed to untangle her legs from the cool sheets nearly three hours later she found her house spotless, her children clean and Izzie soothingly rocking Carson as she became increasingly distraught by the lack of food in her stomach. Rubbing her eyes, Addison readjusts to the light in the lower half of her home and smiles her first real smile all day. Naps are good. "Hey."

"Hey, I was just about to wake you."

"I should have set an alarm but I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow." Addison stretches her arms out for her daughter and relishes the feel of holding her for a second before sliding onto the couch and lifting her shirt to get to work. She's long since given up on caring about whether or not Izzie wants a free show because she likes to be able to see her daughter's face from time to time. Something about bonding, she can't really explain the feeling, but it is one of the rare times where she feels at ease with breastfeeding. A split second here and there where she can ignore all the noise and just breathe easy.

"See, told you naps fix everything. Sometimes you just need someone pushing you along." Izzie reclines against the fabric, letting her back adapt to the new position and trying not to stare too oddly. It is completely normal, not that she had the opportunity to try it out for herself but having a conversation with someone who is nourishing a small infant is something different entirely. It's awkward only in that it should feel odd and it really doesn't.

"Were they good?"

"Angels." Izzie deadpans and smirks.

Addison lets out a slow chuckle and strokes her daughter's cheek for a second. "How'd the cookies turn out?"

"Golden brown and delicious. You want me to go grab you some?" Izzie speaks just a touch louder when the babbling of the moderately entertained boys at her feet picks up. Soon they'll be off running down the hallway or trying to flush another block down the toilet but for this thirty seconds they are content to just run dump trucks and plastic cement mixers over Izzie's bare feet.

"No, no. I'm good."

"You have to try at least one. You helped bake them. It's a rule."

"It's not a rule and I'm attempting to stay away from unnecessary sugars."

"Uh huh." Izzie nods knowingly. Women and their bodies. She stands anyway and dashes into the kitchen catching the attention of both toddlers who follow at her heels. She returns and places the perfectly baked sugar cookie on Addison's leg only to find that the older woman doesn't toss it back at her or feed it to the boys.

"You're trying to keep me fat."

"Please." Izzie shakes her head, "We are not even having this conversation. You're gorgeous and you know it, now eat your cookie and shut up."

Addison looks over at her meekly, doing her best impression of Carter when he wants something he's not allowed to have, "Can I have some milk?"

Izzie's eyes roll before she can stop them, "I suppose."

* * *

"I'm home!" Derek shouts, drops his keys onto the hook by the door and toes out of his shoes only to hear teary screams coming from upstairs. He careens his neck, letting it pop and stretch before he climbs the steps and heads to the sailboat themed bathroom. "Hey." He smiles looking in as Addison, drenched nearly head to toe, tries to get the soapy mess on top of Collin's head rinsed out before he can move and get it in his eyes.

"Hi." She mutters, scooping up more water with her hand and gently shielding the little boy's face as he tilts his head back.

"How are my boys?"

"Cranky, tired and dirty." Addison snaps as another wave of water comes up and hits her shirt from Carter's water toy. They've tried everything. Puppets, toys, joining their children for bath time. Nothing works. They simply hate water...and have a goal of pushing it all out of the tub and onto the floor.

"You know just how I like them." Derek closes the lid of the toilet, sits down and watches for a moment. He at least made it home in time for baths. His daughter is probably asleep which is unfortunate because if he wakes her trying just to hold her Addison will scream about schedules and then all hell will break loose and he really doesn't want to go there again. He misses his baby girl but Addison hasn't been Addison lately and this new version isn't someone he wants to cross.

"You could help you know."

"Oh...right." Derek tugs off his blue sweater and unbuttons his white collared shirt.

"I didn't mean get in the bathtub."

"I thought you liked me naked, I seem to remember several instances-"

"Derek-"

"I don't want to get all of my clothes soaked like you, alright?" Derek finally pulls his other arm free leaving him in a white undershirt and his jeans. "Now where are we?" He stretches out his hands, flexing his fingers like he is about to operate and focuses entirely on the task in front of him.

"This one is almost clean and that one is not clean at all." Addison points, directing who is who and instructs Derek to just rinse Collin off and get him out of the tub and dry.

"What did you guys do today?" Derek asks after a few minutes of rubbing the towel over his son's head as he laughs at his silly father. Sometimes the best games are ones that don't involve traditional toys.

"Grocery shopping, Izzie made cookies, the boys chased Graham around the backyard and that's about it. Exciting."

"You made cookies?" Derek asks poking Collin's bare stomach. He watches his son grow confused but he laughs anyway and babbles something incoherent that sounds like "kachat". "Ready for bed?"

"Nigh-nigh."

"Yes. Night night." Derek smiles and slings Collin over his shoulder like a caveman.

"Derek don't get him all riled up again!" Addison shouts as they leave the room. She sighs loudly and then turns back to the task of getting Carter cleaned up and ready to sleep.

* * *

Two fresh diapers, two sets of footed pajamas and one bedtime story that no one listened to and Addison didn't even bother to finish lands the pair back downstairs on the couch, Derek with his reheated dinner on his lap and Addison fighting to keep her eyes open as she scans the words of an article she could swear she's read before somewhere. She twirls the frame of her glasses, giving up on seeing the fine print below her nose and inhales deeply. She knows it will pass. The insecureness, the newness of the situation. She just wishes it would hurry up and happen. Patience has never been her strong suit. "So how is Richard?"

"Good." Derek nods and looks over at her giving SportsCenter a break.

"Anything new happen at work? Yang slit someone's throat, Callie kill Mark?"

"Nope." Derek grins and offers a forkful of his lukewarm spaghetti. He watches her mouth inch closer closing the gap, "Hey Addie?"

"Yeah?" She replies after chewing and swallowing.

"Why didn't you take Chief?"

"I wasn't aware that it was offered to me." Addison untangles her long legs and turns herself to recline against the arm of the couch, tucking her feet under Derek's thighs as he squirms slightly at the touch. He's always hated the way her feet tickle him even when she doesn't mean to.

"No...I mean before you left for L.A. When Richard was going to retire."

"It wasn't an option. Richard wanted someone else who I presumed was you but-"

"It wasn't me that he wanted. Well, it was but it wasn't the right time."

"Ok." Addison smiles and lets her eyes slide shut.

"What did he say to you?" Derek asks minutes later after finishing off his glass of water and pushing it onto the coffee table.

Addison stills for a moment trying to remember the words she could never truly forget, no matter how many times she wanted to in the course of those few short months. You either need a new job or you need a new life- she went out and got both proving them all wrong. She didn't need a new job or a new life. She just needed direction, love and support to make it all bearable again. "Nothing important. It wasn't for me, turned out to be better this way anyhow." She lets a puff of air out of her cheeks deep in thought, "Where's this coming from?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?" Addison presses. Derek is rarely without reason, even if it is a ridiculous one. It's one of her favorite things about him.

"We never really talked about what you did in L.A." Derek shrugs and twirls his fork around again, scraping together some more of Izzie's dinner. He knows it is Izzie's because it isn't burnt and it has more than just sauce and noodles- usual trademarks of his wife's handy work.

Addison scrunches her nose remembering the whole thing much clearer than she liked to. "I tried to get all Zen, walked on the beach, spent an unreasonable amount of time thinking about Seattle, and delivered probably about ten babies."

"Why'd you leave?" Derek lets his plate come to a rest on the coffee table that was holding his sock covered feet a few minutes ago and then turns and reaches out for Addison's calves to give her a nice massage while they talk. Part of him feels like doing something nice while the other part wants to make sure she doesn't try and run away from a conversation she evidently doesn't want to have.

"Leave L.A.?"

"No Seattle." Derek clarifies and pushes a little harder into her skin.

"Oh..."Addison moans unintentionally when his thumbs press into her tight muscles, "Hmmm...I left because...there was nothing here for me. All I had was my job and the rain and it wasn't enough for me anymore." She sits up and flips around on the couch so he can put his hands to good use on her shoulders. "So I packed up and moved on."

"Did Richard tell you why he didn't pick you?" Derek asks out of curiosity. His mentor made it seem like there was a good story behind the reasoning.

"No." Addison lies and shakes her head, "He just thanked me for applying for the position and told me that someone else was chosen." She closes her eyes for a minute while her husband tries to work out a few of the growing knots in her neck, "I really wanted that job." She smiles nostalgically. Maybe she wanted it for the wrong reasons, maybe she placed too much importance on it or maybe she just let Richard see that too well but she's always wanted to be Chief. Head of her own department is fine and impressive but she wouldn't be herself if she wasn't always reaching for the highest goal out there.

"Would you have stayed if he gave it to you?"

"Yes." Addison admits quietly, just barely loud enough over the low hum of the television. "But then we wouldn't be here and this is worth not getting the job."

"Yeah." Derek nods and presses a kiss just behind her ear, "That it is."

A good ten minutes slips by both preoccupied with their own thoughts before Carson's cries from across the room shake them back to reality. "I got it." Derek jumps up.

"She needs to be fed." Addison explains watching Derek slowly sway in an attempt to settle his daughter down while she fights him and tries to suck on the yellow blanket he wrapped around her a few seconds before.

"I know. I just miss her a little." He relinquishes control and hands over the baby just as her face grows a vibrant shade of red. He seems to have done more to upset her than calm her but it was worth the few minutes of bonding. Derek settles in next to Addison's side and strokes the fine red hair on Carson's head as she finally latches on and begins to nurse. "I took-" Derek starts and then stops himself. This is too good a moment to be ruined by a work announcement.

"What?" Addison looks over at him imploringly. She knows her hearing is starting to go, what with all the shrieking she has heard in the last few months, but she's almost positive that that sentence wasn't finished.

"Nothing, it's not important." Derek mutes the volume on the television, instead choosing to sit in the quiet with the two most important women in his life. "Can I burp her?"

Addison rolls her eyes, "Yeah...hey, you can even change her too here in a few minutes I bet."

"You know what I mea-"

"Yes I did." She cuts him off, "And thank you. I would appreciate that."

Derek doesn't reply and simply falls into a trance waiting until it is his turn to be useful. After nearly an hour they finally manage to get settled upstairs. Derek spits the minty toothpaste from his mouth and crawls to the bed, checking the alarm clock on the way down. He rolls over, rubbing his feet together, trying to warm the cool sheets as he goes, and faces his half asleep wife. "Night Addie, love you."

"Love you too." She murmurs and then wiggles her way under Derek's chin when he tries to tug her closer. Generally they sprawl out separately, years of marriage breaking way from the need to be huddled together while recharging but from time to time (more often since marriage number two Addison has found), whenever one or other needs it they have been known to cuddle. She doesn't know what occurred during Derek's day because he claimed nothing interesting happened but for some reason he needs this tonight so she is more than happy to oblige even though she'll probably end up kicking him off of her in an hour.

* * *

"Derek, I'll be gone for four hours tops. It's just consult." Addison retorts angrily jangling her keys in her hand impatiently.

It's been three weeks since Derek officially took over as chief and he still hasn't managed to tell her yet. He knows it's growing worse by the second and arguing with her on this issue seems ridiculous but he can't really risk anyone saying anything to her. So far, she's been wrapped up in the family bubble taking the kids to the park with Izzie and attempting to make his lunch everyday, and the smile that is finally back on her face after endless days of hormone readjustments is not something he wants to lose. She's just got back to really being her bossy, witty self and Derek is not ready to upset that balance, even provided she greets him with congratulations.

This changes everything and he's happy with the way things are right now. He'll tell her sooner or later, it's just that right now later sounds like such a better option.

"It's our day off Addie. I haven't had a day off in weeks and I don't want to-"

"It's not my fault that Richard is out Derek and that you haven't scheduled any time for yourself to be off-"

"Addison-"

"She's been my patient-"

"How has she been your patient when you've been on leave for over-"

"If you would stop interrupting me-"

"Well, maybe if you would stop interrupting me-"

"Derek!" Addison nearly shouts and bends over to pick up Carter as he pulls on the hem of her knee length skirt. She hasn't dropped all the baby weight and she's certainly not happy about the fact that her hips are never going to fit into the right size again but it's enough not to be stressed about it anymore and with Izzie's help she is able to take Graham out for a nice walk/run every afternoon while the boys eat their snack and play until nap time. Exercise does wonders for her bored mind. Maybe one of these days she'll be able to take Callie up on her sunrise yoga class. Her friend at a growing thirteen weeks still swears by it. "She's been my patient since 2004. When she had her first child. Their son, Jackson. Then I delivered their daughter, Hailey, in 2006 via an emergency c-section and now- now they're having twins and I'm not letting anyone else touch her when I know exactly what I am doing."

"Someone else could-"

"It's a TTTS case Derek, you know as well as I do that I'm the only one in the hospital that can handle that-"

"That's not true-"

Addison twists her heel into the rug by the front door and pulls her son's warm hand away from her dangling earring for the hundredth time today. "I'm going. I'll be back. End of discussion."

"Fine." Derek growls and knows he has no reason to get angry with her other than his own stupidity. She's a fine surgeon, an amazing doctor and he knows that sitting at home for the last four months has been killing her. "Go."

"Thanks." Addison retorts sarcastically. "Izzie is off today so don't bug her ok?" She clenches her jaw when he pretends to pay attention to the infant in his arms instead of her voice. "Ok Derek?"

"Yeah, great. Whatever. Have a nice day."

"I'll be right back. What is your problem?" Addison's voice takes a frustrated tone and she finally loses it just enough to put Carter down and urge him toward his blocks four feet away. She has no idea where Collin is but assumes that they'll find whatever disaster he has made sooner or later. These are the highlights of her days now and she can't understand why Derek won't just let her have these few hours to feel like a normal human being again. She needs this.

"I don't have a problem. I just wanted to spend the day with my family who I haven't seen- my whole family." He corrects when she tries to butt in.

She stomps forward, half touched by his desire and half annoyed that he is being such a four year old about her finally getting back to work, even if it is only one case, and presses her lips to his gently. "I'll be back shortly."

"Ok." Derek resigns the good fight and begins praying that she doesn't run into anyone with too big of a mouth. God help him or there will be a tornado looming on the horizon before he can figure out to evacuate.

* * *

"So she's going to be okay right? And the babies, they're good?" Lisa's husband Wes squirms in his seat, his hand tightly laced with his wife's.

"They're all going to be just fine. I'm going to go ahead and schedule-" Addison pauses when she hears screams in the hallway that sound too familiar, "I'll schedule the procedure-" She stops again and strains to hear the wailing from behind the closed door of the patient's room.

"Is there something wrong?" Wes asks nearly jumping out of his seat trying to remember if he asked all the questions they had written down on a loose piece of notebook paper last night when Lisa couldn't sleep.

"No, sorry. I just thought I heard something." She shakes her head, trying to get back on track. Her mind has gone out of line too many times already during this consult and she's starting to look slightly unprofessional, and she really doesn't want the gossip to start before she's even really fully back. "Anyway, as I was saying. I'm going to go ahead and schedule the procedure for tomorrow- oh wait, no not tomorrow." Derek works tomorrow and she promised Izzie she could have two days off in a row this week which is doubly important since Addison needs to get used to Izzie being gone. Two and a half weeks left and counting. She tries to ignore the cries from a little ways off for as long as possible while flipping through the chart to see if Lisa can wait a few days, "Will you excuse me for a second?"

Addison doesn't wait for a reply from her patient and slips out of the room without seeing their heads nod in strange approval. Ten feet down she sees her daughter near frantic in the arms of some light blue scrubs with a face she knows has to be new. "Hey you!"

The blue scrubs look up and fidget uncomfortably. Addison stalks forward, her heels clicking on the tile mercilessly and she may have been seriously underestimating her presence lately because this kid looks like he is about to wet himself but before she can reach her destination both of her sons rush forward, dropping each other's hands (something they've made them start doing I public so they don't get lost or taken unless the kidnapper wants two for the price of one, which she's certain they would not).

"Mama!" Collin squeals with delight, "Up!" His arms stretch into the air and without thought Addison carelessly swings him onto her hip and snuggles him closely while the more cautious of the two, Carter, finds a safe haven behind her knees.

"Who are you?" Addison demands.

"Steven, Moser. Dr. Moser. Miss Addison-" He stutters and hesitantly looks down at her name tag. Certainly the snippy tone of her voice and the white coat are not going to mean anything good.

"That's Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd to you. Now can you tell me what you are doing with my children?"

"Watching them." He says softly and holds Carson out to her as a peace offering.

"How did you get them?" Addison says slowly, annunciating everything as if she is speaking to one of the twins. She sets one child down mid sentence to take another, who clearly is in need of either a nap, a snack or a fresh diaper...or all three. She ignores the blatant staring from the nurses and other staff who have seen nothing of her daughter or her in well over a month. She doesn't have the time to deal with them just yet. Maybe later. Heaven knows she won't get out of here without being stopped by a few people and secretly she enjoys it.

"The Chief told Jen to watch them but them Dr. Bailey needed her on an endoscopy so then Nurse Debbie had them but she had to take lunch so now I have them," his voice drops to a low quiver, "and I am really glad you're here because I do not know what I am doing."

"Word of advice Steven," Addison winks, "Never tell people in this place you don't know what you are doing unless you are certain you're about to kill someone. Then tell someone and tell them quickly."

"Right." He nods.

"How long ago did...Chief?" Addison stutters sensing something very wrong.

"Chief Shepherd. He's in OR 3 I think. Said he had some kayaking buddies coming in with head trauma. I didn't get in on the case, he took O'Malley." Steven pauses nervously, and understandably so, "If you could put in a good word for me...I mean let the Chief know I did alright with his kids...I'd appreciate it. I kind of need all the help I can get."

Addison swallows the froth trying to come up and smiles when she looks at the squirrelly kid in front of her. It's not his fault. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks." He bobs his head in appreciation and begins to walk away.

"Dr. Moser, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Where's everything else?" Addison looks around at her kids. There's no diaper bag full of toys and cheerios, no cute little extra outfits just in case of an accident of leakage issue, no carrier for Carson. Just kids who seem angry and scared of the big, bad hospital.

"What?"

"Is this all Nurse Debbie gave to you?" She gestures toward her children.

"Yeah." He shrugs, "Maybe Chief has the stuff in his office...you could check since you know him and stuff."

"I'm his wife." Addison verifies for the young man, "And a double board certified neonatal surgeon who happens to work in this very hospital."

"Right, that's what I meant." He shuffles his feet over the shiny tile waiting to be excused.

"You're excused..." Addison fights internally for a second and then gives in, "and thank you for watching them, that's not your job and not what you're here for so I appreciate it."

"Not a problem. I gotta go before Dr. Bailey-"

"I understand." Addison sets him free and shifts a fussing Carson onto her shoulder hoping that she'll be quiet enough for the next ten minutes so she can finish her job and figure out what in the world was so great that Derek came in on the day off he wanted to so badly. She grabs Carter's hand who reaches out for his brother's immediately and then they slowly train back toward Lisa's room catching the weary eye of many who dare not disturb the gradual movement. Once inside she opens a few drawers with one hand and finds some makeshift toys so the boys don't get bored while she tries to finish up. "Sorry about that." Addison apologizes and pulls out a spare blood pressure cuff and haphazardly tosses it to the ground like she's feeding hungry lions. She roots around a little more until she's satisfied that they have enough to stay busy. "Ok where were we?"

"Are these yours?" Wes asks staring at the twins on the ground, who to Addison's displeasure are dressed exactly identical, she's not sure why Derek makes it harder on himself.

"Oh yes. Umm...that's Carter on the left and then Collin and this," she rubs her daughter's back, "is Carson."

"You've been busy." Lisa smiles, "May I?" She points to Carson and Addison instantly and somewhat gratefully hands her over.

"She misses the kids. We've only been gone two days and you would think she'd want a vacation." Wes tries to explain for his wife who has now drawn up her knees and planted Carson over them so she can have a good look at the baby. Oh what Addison would give for a vacation- even if it included surgery.

"How old?" Lisa gestures to the twins.

"27 months."

"Last time we saw you-"

"They're from Russia. We adopted." Addison elucidates, hoping to get off the subject sooner or later before one of them bursts into tears or inadvertently melts down causing her severe embarrassment. She listens to the toys slap against the floor with a clenched jaw and forced smile as her patients coo and make funny faces at her grumpy daughter and then she clears her throat. "So I'm going to go ahead and schedule the operation for the day after tomorrow if that's alright with you guys."

"Sure." Wes agrees easily, eyes never leaving the baby in his wife's lap.

"Good." Addison nods. "Ok, so I'll put you down for eleven a.m. on the fourteenth and I'd like to keep you here just to be safe so we can make sure everything is being monitored."

"Sounds good Dr. Montgomery." Lisa replies in a higher pitch voice than normal.

Addison purses her lips and tries to think of a way to get her daughter back. Maybe she should just truck the kids around all of the time, they seem to help. She scratches a few more lines into the chart, out of habit and procrastination and then returns it to the end of the bed. "I will see you guys in a few days." She smiles and waits and waits for them both to catch on.

"Oh, gosh, sorry." Lisa hands Carson back with a timid smile, "Got a little wrapped up there."

"It's alright." Addison's head swings around as she finishes her sentence to find Derek entering the room, very fresh from surgery, his scrub cap not even untied yet and she can swear that his hands are still damp. "Hi."

"Hey." He grins and then plops down in a chair on the left hand side of the room as the boys clamber to show him their new toys.

Addison mentally weighs the benefits of dragging her family out of the room minus introductions just to save time and to grill her husband but then gives into her polite side, "Lisa, Wes this is my husband Derek Shepherd. Derek this is Lisa and Wes Bryant."

"The TTTS case?" He questions knowingly with a charming smile that makes Addison want to knock out his front teeth.

"Yes."

"Nice to meet you both." She waits rather impatiently as they exchange words for nearly ten minutes before Derek finally gives in and pulls himself from Lisa's bedside. "I was just stopping by the grab the kids, I'll go get their things out of my office and I'll wait for you in the parking lot, ok?" He steps in and kisses her cheek lightly, stealing his daughter in the process, and then turns to the door.

"Actually I'm done here so I'll come with. See you both on Sunday."

"Looking forward to it." Wes laughs and resumes his spot in the uncomfortable furniture next to his wife.

"Come on boys." Addison pries the various medical supplies out of the sticky hands and lazily throws them all on the counter for someone else to deal with before following Derek into the hallway.

"If you need to stay, it's ok. We can wait." He offers.

"I really was done and I'm more than ready to get these guys out of here and down for a nap." She ruffles Collin's hair and he looks up inappreciatively before touching the top of his head. "And then you can explain to me why they are even here." She says softly with a sweet smile plastered to her face. "So let's go." She starts toward the elevator, leaving Derek behind with his apprehension and worries. He knew it was a bad idea to keep all that stuff in his office but he was in a hurry, it was an emergency, and he wasn't thinking rationally.

He places one foot in front of another slowly buying time before he'll have to led her to a new office on a new floor. Maybe he can come up with some way to get out of this. "So I've been using Richard's office." Derek clarifies and pushes Addison's hand away from the panel and proceeds to press in the correct button as the machinery jumps to a start.

"Ok."

They twist through the maze of scrubs to find the door shut and locked just as he left it. He snags the key out of his pocket and twists the handle hesitantly. Here goes nothing. Dashing inside, he tries to gather everything at a lightning fast pace so she won't have time to catch on. "Ready?" He asks, heavy bag slung over one shoulder, his daughter now fastened into her carrier.

Addison fingers the nameplate carefully trying to choose her words. Dr. Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery. It makes sense now. The late hours, the ridiculous weeks of work, the lack of Richard talk. She doesn't know how she missed it. Instead of speaking and saying something she'll regret, because underneath the overwhelming feeling of betrayal she is actually proud and happy for him, she picks up the metal and spins back around with her eyebrows raised into the question for her.

"That's just something they had made up. I don't know what they were thinking, it was a joke Add." The words flow freely and Derek's nearly forgotten how easy it is to lie to her, but not quite. He knows he's lost when she sets the title back down and slides it to where it was living before, desk less dusty in that area as a clear indicator of where it should go.

"Don't." She warns. Derek hangs his head in defeat and adjusts the bag that's attempting to fall to the ground.

Knowing he's a malnourished child equipped with a wooden sword in this fight he keeps his mouth shut and his eyes steady on the floor until they've managed to herd their children back into the elevator and are truly alone. Then it happens. The question he can't really answer without making the mess more widespread. And the only thing worse than trying to come up with a way to structure his answer is the wretchedly hurt voice she uses to ask him about life's newest development. He hasn't heard her use it since right after moving to Seattle, in the dark nights at the trailer, where neither could ignore that everything was wrong.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

* * *

A/N: Forgot to add that all title and cut text credit still belongs to _The Classic Crime_.

* * *


	2. Bad Habits

A/N: This is sort of like a teaser for the upcoming chapter but more Izzie focused and her view of the Shepherds so...yeah, if you like her or these other sorts of angles I hope you enjoy, otherwise this should be updated soonish. :)

_--  
**Bad Habits**  
- Number One Gun  
--_

She supposes it is normal to wonder sometimes. To think of what happened to her daughter before the bone marrow transplant; before Izzie knew she was dying. She assumes she was a normal happy kid that read bedtime stories and sometimes scratched her knees on the playground. Izzie imagines Sarah (Hannah) had beautiful hair at one point and she's a striking child, of that much the world is already certain, so it's not difficult to piece the puzzle together and tell a tale of glorious girly sleepovers with mismatching blankets strewn over the back of chairs to create a snuggly fort in the livingroom.

It may be unhealthy. It may be masochistic to reflect this way but she can't help herself; she can't change where her mind goes from time to time when she sees girls about the right age begging their mother for more sugary cereal in grocery store aisles or when she hears little squeals coming from the parking lot of the mall. It's just normal. It's habit- maybe a bad one but there's no control here. She relinquished that a long time ago when she signed over her baby to a better life.

She's never regretted it. Not even one minute of one day. Because Izzie was right and she was convinced she was right. If there was any second thought she couldn't have gone through with it; she wouldn't be able to live with herself for what she did. It wasn't noble in the way people make it out to be and it wasn't brave in a world where trailer parks are tiny little mansions in the great suburban wasteland. It was a choice. Her choice and she lives with the consequences silently.

That's her punishment. And she takes it willingly.

**_--_**

And Izzie has most undoubtedly made better decisions than throwing her surgical career into neutral and taking care of three unreasonably spoiled children but it was, at the time anyway, exactly what she thought she needed. The bond between toddlers and infants alike was something she craved. The biological clock was ticking and sometimes when Addison takes the dog out for a run and when Derek is buried under a pile of papers at work, she plays house. She pretends these are hers and this massive floor plan is something she and her amazing husband bought outright so their children could grow with a lot of space.

And she's absolutely positive that this is not what well adjusted adults do, but it's up there with the daydreaming, unruly and all consuming. Today it's just her. Addison is inexplicably missing and Derek has decided that he'd rather live in his office than deal with Addison's particular brand of crazy this week. Izzie can't recall the exact fight - or was it fights - that leaves her with three kids under the age of three but it's happened and she's coping by shoving an extra goopy peanut butter and jelly sandwich down her throat while trying to wrangle both toddlers into the kitchen for lunch.

They don't speak English well outside of, "dog! go! now! and no!", but somehow she gets them settled and begins the tedious task of monitoring their skills so as not to allow any staining foods to end up on her bosses' beautiful hardwood floor.

There are some things the Shepherd's haven't gotten down yet, pride (or rather when to admit defeat) is one of them and she hates to be the bearer of bad news but it will eventually take a heavy toll on their kids, not that they think it's possible. They just toss the babies at her and run for the door and sure they're appreciative and they genuinely love their children but they don't devote themselves. They aren't giving their all to the family and it sort of drives Izzie crazy because if these kids, these beautiful, intelligent, challenging, crazy mongrels were hers she'd quit her job and watch them grow all day in amazement.

But that's her and this is something different entirely. This isn't her life and she hates how easy it is to get confused.

"Carter eat, don't play." She reminds him and hands over the plastic spoon intent on getting him in the practice of using utensils and not his hands.

Izzie has tried to help. She's done her level best to get them acquainted and comfortable with American culture, as much as one can with a young child, and she's making sure that Carson is hitting all those important infant milestones that normal parents obsess over. Evidently, the Shepherd's are leaving it up to fate and deciding that their biological daughter will be the exact genius they are, never mind if she can't sit up by herself or hold her own bottle.

Izzie dislikes that this has become what her life is. Baths and washing grimy hands, diapers and folding someone else's laundry. She was important once. She was a surgeon. She created a world for herself and then tossed it back hastily when things didn't go exactly as she wanted.

Mostly she hates that it feels like it was for nothing. This was not the answer she came to find. All it's done is set her into reverse, straight back to the days of longing to feel her little girl kick and flip around inside her. Yes, this is clearly unhealthy, but she only has four days left here so in the grand scheme of things she is able to push it to the back of her worries and focuses on feeding the redhead in her arms.

**_--_**

The first time Collin called her Mama mistakenly it about brought tears to her eyes. Now it is simply commonplace and it's not really fair that they are baffled. She reasons that 'Izzie' is too hard to say and they are challenged anyway so she's stopped correcting them. Addison always laughs when she hears it and then scoops up her child and reminds him that she is the mother but when Addison is gone, Izzie lets it slide and it drifts into her wonderful parallel world of someone else's life.

There have been instances where her leggy boss has been insecure and unsure and questioning of her natural abilities with children. She can't say anything really. Some people have it. Some do not. And she's still not sure where Addison falls in on the line. At times she looks completely at ease with one on her hip and other times the Prada and Dolce & Gabbana contrast so heavily with the baby in her arms that it hurts Izzie's eyes.

Maybe in a few years Izzie will ask if you can have both. Not now though, she knows the answer. There is no balance in this house.

So Izzie pretends and she's quite used to it in her life by now anyway. Besides it doesn't hurt nearly as bad when she is "Mommy" and not crazy Izzie who killed her fiancé and now babysits for a living. Regrettably, that pain can't be showered off with all the daily scum when she gets home. It lingers through her reheated dinner and pokes her in the ribs when she sleeps because the heartbreaking truth is she could already have or at least be well on her way to what she make believes about every other day.

But Izzie wanted better and there's no shame in that. Just bitter, unrelenting regret and old cuts that are too deep to ever completely heal.

When Carson wakes up Izzie is pulled from her thoughts back into her chosen reality. There's nothing wrong with a guilty pleasure and/or a dirty secret from time to time.

**_--_**

"Addison? Addie!" Izzie hears Derek's voice call out. She flips her watch over and tries to yell back to him over the screams coming from her arms but she can't. She slouches back into the old comfortable couch upstairs and pulls Carson closer as she wails about her teeth that are trying to come in early.

"Oh hey." Derek smiles warmly upon finding all four occupants of his home upstairs and the dog hot on his heels after coming downstairs to find out what was happening. "She sick?" He asks concerned.

"Teething, I think." Izzie explains and brushes a dark curl off of Carter's face who is fast asleep, head resting on her thigh, despite his sister's wails.

"Ah. Where's Addison?" He steps in, feeling like an intruder in his own house, noting how this does not feel like his room; his life. How oddly right it feels that Izzie is holding his kids and not his wife; how she fits so perfectly into the world he is struggling in. It's near infuriating.

"I'm not sure. She's not home yet." Izzie explains and offers Carson her pointer finger to mash her gums into. The blanketed baby accepts greedily and calms herself quickly.

"So that's how you get her to settle down." Derek laughs, "I never thought about that."

"Yeah sometimes you just need to shove your fist into someone's mouth...or finger." Izzie chuckles and offers her up to him. He merely shakes his head.

"She looks comfortable with you, wouldn't want to upset her again."

"True."

"I'm going to go call Addison." Derek mentions trying to escape the room where all of his children are laying by what he considers to be merely an acquaintance, or almost friend, that is if they can be friends.

"She isn't picking up her phone. I tried."

"Figures." He nods, "Well...I..." he points to the hall.

"You should stay. I can go. Get ready for my big day back at work tomorrow and all." Izzie smiles.

Her charade is done. Time to give up the game.

"Right." He swallows heavily. "I don't know what we are going to do without you." He blurts out as Izzie carefully situates Carson and tries to slip out the door without waking anyone and causing the huge scene that happens when she tries to leave everyday. A scene which Addison admitted once, though mostly drunk, makes her feel like the hugest failure in the history of all mothers. Izzie supposes she'd be jealous and upset too if her children always wanted the caregiver instead of their mother. It's fair but that's also just kind of the way kids are.

"You'll manage." Izzie tells him and pulls her long ivory sleeves over her shaking hands. She'll manage too. She'll miss it, but she can still visit, or offer to watch them on certain nights. It's not really over.

"Let us hope." He teases but they can both tell how deadly serious he is.

"It's been an honor to be able to watch them-"

"Don't do that." Derek stops her.

"Do what?"

"Don't make it into that."

"Ok." Izzie nods and she leaves without looking back or offering goodbyes because the fantasy has become too secondary to completely give up on.

**_--_**

She spends the ride home covered in tears, her eyes competing with moisture inside and out to see the road ahead. Later when Alex asks what is wrong she'll brush it off as a bad day with the kids, and he'll merely pour her another shot and tell her to look at the upside because she is officially done wiping the asses of small children and tomorrow she gets to cut something. She'll simply agree and indulge in the dream at night, safely wrapped in the warm blankets she hopes her daughter still gets to touch.

Her temporary pretend world may have come to an end but she'll never stop the bad habit of secretly wondering the wheres and whats and whos and whens and whys of her daughter's life. No matter how detached she wants to be or how cold she seems about her entire past, Izzie will always dream of pink cupcakes with birthday candles and long pigtails carefully secured with purple clips.

She can't undo her twisted past and even if she could go back in time, she'd do it just the same because the carousel and cotton candy land in her mind is so much better than the reality would have ever been.

**_--_**


	3. Bitter Uprising

A/N: It's been a while for this. Admittedly, because this is something my muse will never give up on, I usually save it for last on the updates but when you aren't updating much of anything else...well, you get the point. Anyway, huge thanks to **escapismrocks** for her input this chapter, **kedda_nouvelle** for handling all my demands, and to **bowlerhat_girl** who seriously just gave me the most ass kicking lesson on commas that I've had since I was seven. Enjoy-

**_~-~-~-~-~-~  
Bitter Uprising  
~-~-~-~-~-~_**

_  
"Why didn't you tell me?"_ Derek replays the question what must be nine hundred and one times before the elevator comes to a halt on the ground floor and they are forced out by all of the incoming patrons. "Addison!" he shouts, as her heels click quickly across the tiles, headed straight for the doorway. "Where are you going?" he demands, finally having caught up in the third row of empty, shiny cars.

"I'll be home...in a while."

"That's not an answer, where are you going?" He tries to step into her path but she abruptly spins around having bypassed her own car in the frenzy.

"I need a minute."

"Fine. Where are you going?" Derek jumps in front of the driver's side door and holds up their daughter as a shield.

"I don't know."

"Tell me."

"You tell me first."

"Tell you what?" Derek questions, growing weary of the antics when the slight drizzle picks up into full blown droplets.

"Why didn't you tell me?"She jingles her car keys forcefully and waits for him to get the hell out of the way.

"It wasn't...there hasn't been..."

"Right, well, you think on that and I'll be back later."

"We should talk about this." Derek slides his free hand into the door handle, effectively keeping her from running him down in the parking lot. A threat from Meredith that he has certainly heard out of Addison's mouth more than once, at least, in more passive aggressive terminology.

"Go!" Collin screams at their knees.

"In a minute buddy," Derek assures him and focuses his attention on Addison's damp red hair. "Can we talk?"

"No," she declines and picks up Collin when he refuses to shut up about cars and going home for more than a second at a time.

"Why?"

"Can you answer the question?" Addison waits for the silence to come and finishes, "That's why and I won't do this in front of them...I won't be my parents...I'll be back later and we'll talk."

"Fine. Go." Derek spews, his temper reaching a breaking point. Running is his thing. Not hers. She yells, well he yells too but she is usually just diving head first into arguments. Apparently, this one is different enough to warrant a break before words can be said. Time to gather armor and weapons, never a good sign.

"Go! Car!" the dark haired child squeals again, bringing them both back to reality.

"Yes, go with Daddy in the car." She, despite her fury, helps him march down four more rows of vehicles and gets all of her children safely secure before turning back around and walking away without a goodbye.

She has no idea where she's going and she's getting there too damn fast to just go home and play devil to the wonderful Dr. Shepherd. Correction, Chief Shepherd.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Dr. Montgomery, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Joe grins, filling her cup for the fourth time, this instance making sure the liquid is lower than the others. She's a fun drunk but as a good bartender he senses a bigger problem lurking, especially since he hasn't seen her in here for months.

"Life," she replies tersely and tosses back the burning alcohol before requesting another. She assures him that she's completely fine and just needs...an afternoon of drinking. That's her solution.

"How are the kids?"

"They make me want to rip my hair out strand by strand." The bitterness is evident and she couldn't care less. "How are yours?"

"More or less the same," Joe nods. "Husband or children giving you hell?" he asks knowingly.

"Both?" Addison shrugs and lets her coat fall off her shoulders unceremoniously to the dirty ground.

"Ah," Joe smiles and fills her cup again, watches her down it rapidly and then waits for the clunk on his counter. "Sometimes it's good to have a break."

"Thank you," she agrees, like the whole thing was in question, and then nearly tips off her stool as Mark slides in next to her.

"It's kind of early for that, don't you think?" Mark points to the empty glass and grins.

Addison looks to her watch, not able to read the time accurately, and then sighs, "Never."

"Derek?" Mark knows that face. Derek, all Derek.

"Yeah."

"Chief thing?"

"You knew?"

He tilts his head to the side, "Well yeah. It's been almost a month."

"A month," her head spins, "Chief Shepherd."

"I know," Mark offers and simply calls Joe back to get him started and to refill Addison again. She's going to need it because he can't help her anymore. He can't slug his friend in the face or defend her honor, he can't yell about him never being home or beg him to recognize what is happening. It's not his place any longer to take care of Addison, even if he wants to, even if it is second nature. Besides he has other things to focus on- like his own woman problems.

"You're going to approve of this?" Joe asks reaching for a clean glass.

Mark regards her quickly, the auburn hair he used to love tightly pulled back off her face, "It's all you can do when she gets like this."

"You're watching her then." He replies and slides her cup forward, careful not to let any of the prized liquor slosh out onto the counter.

"I always do," Mark replies acrimoniously. It's never been his job to watch her but he's always the one doing it. He orders a salad (a daring choice for this bar, he thinks) and pulls his phone out to see if Callie has called after their fight. Upon seeing nothing he browses for sports scores and munches on lettuce while Addison rambles about this, that and the other kid. And when it's all over- he's full and she's slurring and unable to be upright without the threat of breaking a heel somehow- he drags her to the parking lot and tosses her in the front of his two seater making sure she fastens her seatbelt and keeps her eyes off the spinning road below his tires.

Mark rings the doorbell of his ex-best-friend-turned-new-best-friend's house and waits. When Derek finally opens it wide, one screaming redheaded infant in his arms Mark sighs, "This is yours, I believe."

Derek rolls his eyes and then disappears to set down his daughter so that helping his wife in the house doesn't have to be more problematic than necessary. "I've got it from here." Derek tells Mark, looping a hand around Addison's shrinking waist and guiding her up the step into the entryway. "Thank you."

"Just doing my friendly duty."

Derek wanders the maze of large trucks and pointy blocks to get Addison upstairs, in bed, and close to the bathroom he has a sinking feeling she will need. Once he gets her dangerous shoes off and she fights against removing her clothes, he pulls back the covers and pours his wife, trashed at six in the evening, onto the cool mattress and spends the rest of the day figuratively biting his nails until she wakes up ready to brawl.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

The fight, he realizes shortly after she joins him downstairs nearly four hours later, is not going to be happening, at least not today and not with any harsh words. Instead her shaky lips open with, "Sorry."

He eyes her sympathetically but then holds back. "I'm not going to say it's okay Addison. You left me alone-"

"With your children," she jumps in, curling into the corner of the chair, choosing to sit on the opposite side of the living room.

"You left me alone without telling me where you were going or how long you'd be gone. I had a hungry infant screaming for her mother because let's face it, I'm kind of at a disadvantage when it comes to feeding her-"

"There's milk in the freezer," Addison says nonchalantly.

"Which would have been good to know while I was calling everyone and my mother."

"You didn't." Addison grimaces and peels back part of her cuticle that's too dry to stay on her finger. She's nervous and enraged and it helps to have things to do.

"I did. I didn't, however, tell her why," he reveals, knowing she needs it. Family is not something to be screwed with, especially not after their last visit here. "And I handled it," he tacks on, because he's always in unfamiliar territory when it comes to his kids and how to manage their needs. Sure, the anaphylactic of a few months ago is funny now, but he's continually terrified that he's going to break one of them while she is gone.

"I'm still angry at you-" she tells him after a few quiet minutes pass.

"And I'm sure you'll be screeching about it for weeks to come."

"-but I want you to know that I am very proud of you Derek, and when I get around to it, I'll be happy too. Congratulations."

Now see that, he without a doubt did not see coming. "Oh...thanks," Derek stutters, the surprise in his voice evident.

"So can you answer the question yet?"

"Not with anything you want to hear." He motions for her to come sit next to him and she gives him a wavering grin but still shakes her head no. That's not a good sign. She always wants to cuddle at home, even if he is the reason she needs the human contact.

"Why don't you just go with the truth and see where that gets you." Addison offers.

Derek mutes the television that is lightly playing in the background and drinks her in. "There was never a good time."

"To tell me great, albeit life altering, news?" She waits for the real answer positive that there had to be some point in the last month where it would have been okay to blurt it out.

"I haven't been home much," Derek shrugs.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Sorry," Derek mutters and is forced to look away when the water perks up in her blue eyes. "It'll get better Addie. Once I get settled in and find a schedule that works, it'll get better."

Addison closes her eyes to keep from crying. The lingering hormones and heavy residue of alcohol in her system not mixing well. She's heard that specific phrase so many times before it no longer holds any meaning. "That doesn't tell me why you decided to make this a secret. A great thing Derek. We should have been celebrating and instead you made it into some huge issue."

"I thought you'd be mad."

"Well you sure as hell could have discussed it with me before you decided."

"You wouldn't have wanted me to take it." He nods, he didn't even want it, if he recalls correctly.

"Don't do that. Don't say that. I'm a surgeon too and this was your dream, our dream. I never would have held you back from that," she pauses for a second, "you really think I would've-"

"No," he interjects immediately before she gets all crazy and starts drawing lines to points that do not need lines drawn to them.

"But you said-"

Derek groans long and low. "Addison," he annunciates every syllable slowly, buying time, "I didn't say anything because you are already stressed out and I didn't think you'd take that kind of announcement very well, especially given how wrecked you were after Carson was born and then...it was easier not to say anything."

"To lie to me," Addison corrects.

"No, to omit, if we have to pick a word."

"Well, what did you think I was going to do to you? Cut your hands off for even thinking about it or something?" She shakes her head thoroughly confused. Derek is a weird man to follow sometimes and even now, after nearly thirteen years she has no clue. He makes sense in the long run, but getting to that point of comprehension can be so frustrating that she doesn't even bother.

"Addison you have to understand," Derek drops off realizing that is never a good thing to say. "You were exhausted and you were angry and your emotions were all over the place-"

"I'm still exhausted and angry if you haven't noticed," she intrudes.

"-and I thought it would be better until you were...I don't know...stable."

"Stable?" She quirks a brow in a silent challenge.

"I don't know!" Derek throws his hands into the air, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Always."

"And...if I wasn't there today and if you hadn't been stupid enough to take that page, when would you have told me?"

Derek braces for impact, their "discussion" mostly controlled, "Probably not until you went back to work in December."

"I see." Addison stands, straightens her rumpled skirt and heads for the kitchen in search of nourishment and something to ward off the potential hang over. Nothing says fun like a pounding headache and three kids who wake up well before the sun.

"Honey?" Derek calls out, following behind her. She doesn't reply but searches the cupboards for the crackers he knows live two shelves down. He slips an arm around her back and reaches for the package. "I am sorry Addison, not for taking the job, but for not telling you about it sooner. I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I wanted to tell you myself."

She snags the snack from his hands and fills a tall glass with water before heading back upstairs to check on the twins and to make sure that Carson is asleep and not silently staring up at her unmoving mobile.

"Addie?" Derek questions worriedly. She leaves him alone, under the harsh florescent light to figure out what exactly it means when she's angry enough to not speak with him for the rest of the night.

She astounds him all of the time and he wonders, as he follows wordlessly behind her, if he just never noticed what the silent treatment meant before in all of the fights that he can't recall.

Sometimes he really wishes he would've just paid attention the first go around. He'd have such a better chance these days if he had. Mostly though, he simply hopes that she simmers all night and they can wake up and get on with their lives. He has a feeling, as she quietly clicks their bedroom door shut in his face, only to return a minute later with his pillow and a spare blanket from the chest at the end of their bed, that this is not going to be one of those fights that magically resolves itself.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"I told you Richard. I told you!" Derek spouts off, placing a cloth napkin over his knee.

"Derek, sweetheart, calm down and eat your soup." Adele instructs and warns both men to keep the shop talk to a minimum.

"And I told you that I will have a couch ready, and I do." Richard retorts and turns his attention to his bread and butter.

"I don't need a couch. I have a couch, that I have been reduced to sleeping on, thank you very much."

"Child, give Addison time to cool down. You know her temper..." Adele drags on waiting for him to agree. "Give her time."

Richard smirks at Derek, happy to have his wife berate the younger man, overjoyed to have someone who will keep them both in line again. "I never said it would be easy Derek and I specifically recall saying that you should tell her sooner rather than later-"

"There wasn't a good time," Derek interrupts and then sips at his water.

"Yes, well, that better not keep you from bringing Addie and my new babies around more. They need to be spoiled properly," Adele speaks up, glaring at Derek who drops his head to his hands only to be told to get his elbows off the table.

He cannot win these days. The problem is that he thinks he was right; the problem is that she knows she was. The issue is they can't meet in the middle and for the first time in a long time they are realizing how big of a deal that fact is.

It's no longer charming or cute that they don't agree. It's not a fun quirk in their relationship. It's a looming catastrophe because they have three little innocent children that don't need this.

And for the life of him, Derek can't understand, what with Addison's pathological need to plan and focus and analyze and his yearning to be the perfect dad, why it is that they never saw this coming before.

This is what they get for deciding they were out of time and rushing things along.

He calls Addison forty minutes later and explains that he won't be home tonight and not to worry and to kiss the kids for him. She is polite and warm in her response and even lets him attempt to talk to both boys on the phone, but deep down he knows that he won't be missed by anyone but the dog, who has already proven to be quite the traitor.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

On Izzie's last day, a week later, a week of monotonous routine and keeping up appearances around their kids when they are together, Derek makes a point of coming home early to see off the person who has helped them so profoundly he can't even begin to put it into words.

"Addison? Addie!" Izzie hears Derek's voice call out. She flips her watch over and tries to yell back to him over the screams coming from her arms but she can't.

"Oh hey." Derek smiles warmly upon finding all four occupants of his home upstairs and the dog hot on his heels after coming downstairs to find out what was happening. "She sick?" he asks concerned.

"Teething maybe or just cranky today, I think, she's not really feverish," Izzie explains and brushes a dark curl off of Carter's face who is fast asleep, head resting on her thigh, despite his sister's wails.

"Ah. Where's Addison?" He steps in, feeling like an intruder in his own house, noting how this does not feel like his room; his life. How oddly right it feels that Izzie is holding his kids and not his wife; how she fits so perfectly into the world he is struggling in. It's near infuriating.

"I'm not sure. She's not home yet," Izzie says calmly and offers Carson her pointer finger to mash her gums into. The blanketed baby accepts greedily and calms herself quickly.

"So that's how you get her to settle down," Derek laughs. "I never thought about that."

"Yeah sometimes you just need to shove your fist into someone's mouth...or finger." Izzie chuckles and offers her up to him. He merely shakes his head. He doubts this would fix his troubles with Addison, but damn if it isn't an entertaining thought.

"She looks comfortable with you, wouldn't want to upset her again."

"True."

"I'm going to go call Addison," Derek mentions trying to escape the room where all of his children are laying by what he considers to be merely an acquaintance, or almost friend, that is if they can be friends.

"She isn't picking up her phone. I tried."

"Figures." He nods, "Well...I..." he points to the hall.

"You should stay. I can go. Get ready for my big day back at work tomorrow and all." Izzie smiles.

"Right." He swallows heavily. "I don't know what we are going to do without you," he blurts out as Izzie carefully situates Carson and tries to slip out the door without waking anyone and causing the huge scene that happens when she tries to leave everyday. A scene which Addison admitted once, though mostly sleep deprived and strung out, makes her feel like the hugest failure in the history of all mothers. Izzie supposes she'd be jealous and upset too if her children always wanted the caregiver instead of their mother. It's fair but that's also just kind of the way kids are.

"You'll manage," Izzie tells him and pulls her long ivory sleeves over her shaking hands. She'll manage too. She'll miss it, but she can still visit, or offer to watch them on certain nights. It's not really over.

"Let us hope." He teases but they can both tell how deadly serious he is.

"It's been an honor to be able to watch them-"

"Don't do that," Derek stops her.

"Do what?"

"Don't make it into that."

"Ok." Izzie nods.

"Night Izzie. See you tomorrow."

"See you boss," Izzie calls ten steps down toward the stairs. She hears him grumble something about calling him Derek outside of work before she makes it all the way to the living room. Then she's gone just the same as she came.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Hey man," Mark slides over to where Derek is filling out charts, "Got a minute?"

Derek checks his watch certain that he is forgetting something and then scours over the notes the incompetent intern before him left. "Sure. What do you need 'cause I am not letting you take Henderson's OR. I'm so tired of that woman-"

"Different woman," Mark announces, catching too many people's attention for his liking and giving Derek a shove down the hallway so they can talk in semi-privacy.

"Ok. What did you do this time?"

"Nothing," Mark shakes his head innocently. "I did nothing. Callie is out of her fucking mind lately."

"They do get that way," Derek chuckles, glad that someone else is going through hell too. In the five days that Izzie has been back to work, Derek has gotten approximately twenty minutes of alone time in with his wife. On the up side, and considering the state of things lately he considers this a pro side thing, he got back in his bed last night. She won't snuggle, cuddle, or accept being touched but he's there so that has to be something. "Just get flowers, whatever you did, get flowers."

"Yeah, that work for you with Addison?" Mark inquires, not that he is terribly interested in what happens in that house, but he would like for them to be good together...because when they aren't he gets horrible ideas in his head and begins acting on impulse.

"No." Derek smiles, "Addie isn't big on apology flowers instead of apologies."

"You expended that option before," Mark chimes in perfectly to remind them both of what they were thinking about.

"Yeah, guess I did." Derek says. "So...Callie?"

"Crazy."

"Right."

"I didn't tell her she looked fat-"

"Oh, you didn't do that. I told you-"

"I said the bump was cute...and maybe that we'd have a large, healthy baby but apparently, she was laboring under the misapprehension that she wasn't showing yet."

"Gotta let them live in the dream world man." Derek slaps his back roughly as they round the corner.

"So...what do I do?" Mark asks nervously. This should not be his go-to person for relationship advice but he's working against a clock, an insane hormonal woman, and himself here so he kind of has to go with who he's got.

"Apologize."

"Check."

"Flowers."

"She threw them back in my face and slammed the door," Mark fills in.

"Nice. Umm...you could take her away for a weekend," Derek offers. He hasn't been able to do that in months. It sounds wonderful.

Mark smiles, "So...you are going to give us some time off together then?"

"Right...or you could just keep at it. Make her hear you. Be a man."

"This coming from the guy who is sleeping three rooms down from his wife, if I heard right...though knowing the layout of your house, I'd say it's more accurate that you are actually downstairs."

"I never claimed to be good at this," Derek jests lightly, hoping that they don't fall into the dangerous territory they both try so hard to steer clear of. No one likes the awkward reminders, especially when they are attempting to move on and be adults, well, as adult-like as they can possibly be for a bunch of teenagers who deal only in saving lives and sex triangles.

"Obviously." Mark pats his friend's arm and points up to the end of the hall where Addison is standing with all of their children.

"Shit, it's Halloween."

"Even I knew that one." Mark smiles and gives Addison a wave before spinning back around and getting the hell out of the way. "Luck."

"Thanks," Derek states flatly before hurrying forward to where his boys are trying to break free from their mother's tight hold and rush down the hall toward him.

"Hey," he says worriedly.

"Hello," Addison greets and releases her heathens to attack their father. Derek smiles before realizing that he wasn't there to help get the costumes or help them get ready. "I-We just wanted to come see you before the boys had to go to bed. They wanted to show their outfits."

"Cute." Derek laughs and swings Collin up into the air.

"They picked," Addison shrugs and shifts the carrier to the ground to save her arms. "And I'm no fan of Halloween but this is the one day of the year where it's kind of fun to pick on twins...and Thing 1 and Thing 2 seemed way too obvious for our children."

"I thought you liked dressing up for me." Derek smiles broadly as his wife glares and he decides not to push his luck. "And what do we have down here?" Setting his son down, Derek begins investigating his daughter's outfit. "Black?"

"Orange is not a good color for her," Addison explains softly looking at her husband. "Anyway..."

"I was supposed to be home," Derek colors in the blank for her.

"Yes."

"I remember you asking me to make sure I was home."

"Yes." Addison purses her lips. She's exhausted. More so since Izzie has been gone and she's either going to burst into tears or collapse on the floor, neither being something she wants to do at work. "Can we go upstairs?"

"Sure," Derek nods not noticing her change in demeanor. "Maybe we can steal some candy from the nurses in the process."

Addison takes a deep breath. That is on the long list of the last things she wants to be doing right now. Topping it out are fielding more screams of "Dadddddyyyyy!" when one of the boys is in trouble and being thrown up on again. Motherhood is not sitting well with her today.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"What do we have here?" Miranda Bailey asks, stopping in the hall and not caring to hide her sympathetic smile. "Jokers? Are you guys jokers?"

Addison cringes when Carter claws the back of her bare knee trying to hide from the big, bad, scary woman. "They're shy, kind of."

"Tuck's a little shy right now too." She stands up straight. "At least with strangers. Alright let me see the little one and then you can be on your way." Miranda glances at Derek, telling him to give her up. "Oh...you get cuter every time I see you. Yes you do," she pauses when Derek starts trying to cover up his laughter. "Oh you shut up. You're worse than anyone in this hospital." She turns her attention back to the baby in her arms. "Your daddy is a very silly man. I have stories for you, so many stories."

"Miranda," Addison says softly, willing the woman to just hurry the hell up.

"Oh alright." She hands over the squirming infant. "There you go."

"Dr. Bailey," Derek nods his goodbye.

"Chief, Addison," she complies and drifts off.

Once securely inside of Derek's new office, Addison lets the façade drop off. Her posture droops and she stops watching what the twins are trying to rip off the walls to play with. "Derek."

"I'm sorry," he begins, still busy playing with Carson on the well used couch up against the wall. He hasn't really changed a thing about the office other than adding his own books and a few pictures. "And I know that doesn't make up for anything but-"

"I'm done," Addison admits, catching his attention instantly.

"Done?"

Her brow creases in confusion until it clicks. "No, done being angry. It's too much effort. And yes, you were supposed to be home, and yes we promised to join Mark and Callie for dinner and a quick trip around the block so they could get the full effect of trick-or-treating but I don't care and Callie isn't speaking to Mark anyway and I'm tired, so tired and I don't want to keep doing this alone."

"You aren't alone," Derek refutes.

"Sure feels like it," Addison retorts immediately, the bitterness replacing her disappointment.

"Addison-"

"No, just...can we stop? You got a new job, congratulations, now come home."

"Addie-" Derek attempts, knowing it's futile but also aware that keeping up appearances is a plus.

"I can't anymore...and I don't have Izzie...I don't have anyone and I haven't slept in days because I have been so angry at you for lying to me...and I need to sleep, please. Please." She slides into his arms when he stands up and demands that she come see him with a firm wiggle of the fingers.

"It wasn't my fight to end."

"You were angry-"

"I got over that the day it happened but we should probably discuss it a little and we need to work on this talking thing anyway...we can't fight like we used to. Not with the kids."

"I know," she hiccups and just gives in when the arm around her back begins to rub soothingly up and down her spine. "I don't even want to fight."

"You did."

"Yes."

"Agree to call a truce?" he asks quietly, motioning for Carter to let go of his nameplate. He feels her head move against his shoulder. "I promise to tell you if I get promoted again...and the hours, they will get better and I know you don't have any reason to believe that but I need you to trust me, okay?"

"'Kay," she sniffles and tries to pull it together before it really goes downhill. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," he sighs, holding her a little tighter. "Do you want to wait for me and then we can go home together, maybe even go for that walk-"

"I just want them to go to sleep." She laughs a little ashamed. "I've had enough for the day."

"Ah, she finally admits to not being invincible. I knew something would finally do you in Addison Shepherd. I only wish that I would have thought of it sooner." When he feels her struggle to get a breath in and feels the wetness on his shoulder begin to reheat he knows that's too touchy of a subject. "Too soon. Sorry."

She pulls back and bites her lip, embarrassed at the lack of control she presently possesses. "How long?" Derek points to the stack of papers on the desk and Addison hangs her head. "It's ok, I'll just see you at home."

"You sure? I could maybe leave the time sheets until tomorrow...if I come in earlier-"

"No, it's fine. You have work and we are distracting you. Boys, come here. Time to go." She hears one of them screech "Go!" entirely too loud and entirely too annoyingly before packing it all up and turning around the train toward the same direction they came from.

She can't help but feel coming to visit him accomplished virtually nothing.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

He finds her at home four hours later, two hours after he wanted to get out of the hospital, pressed between the cushions of the couch he was calling his bed and flipping through the channels like she is actually interested in finding something to watch. In his experience she could flip for the next twenty minutes until she got sleepy and let go of the idea. Television was never really her forte. She likes the control the clicker gives her though.

"Addison," Derek warns by calling her name and then pries the remote from her hands, placing it on the coffee table in front of them. "I got out of there-"

"Save it," she tells him.

And instead of arguing he eyes the pajamas and lack of makeup that allows him to see just how run down she really is. "Ok." Leaning back, he props his feet up on the sturdy wood and lets out a long puff of air. "I need for you to understand that running away and drinking isn't going to solve anything and I know you are a very intelligent woman and that you were reacting to what was in front of you-" he grimaces when he starts sounding too much like Kathleen, "-but we have a family now and they have to come first no matter how angry we are at each other."

"I understand that." She closes her eyes and leans into the arm of the couch, sleep sounding so inviting now that he is home and near. "I made a mistake."

"I want them to have everything."

"Me too," she agrees. She wants them to have everything they want, within reason.

"It's hard and I haven't been here, not enough for it to count because they are usually asleep when I get in, and I want to apologize for that."

"Derek, I know the deal. I know how the job works but...there has to be some sort of compromise in there."

"I'll find it."

"Well, find it faster because we are falling apart over here. I didn't sign up to be a single parent," she tells him sleepily, the statement loosing all traces of frustration and spite in her lazy speech patterns. He likes that it dulls their feuding fire to a dull roar. She's easier to handle like this than when she is stamping around and gesturing wildly.

"I'm in this, I'm not going anywhere," he replies, knowing the weight and history and future of a simple sentence.

"I...you didn't jump on board with this knowing you would be gone so much. I thought...I just can't believe that you would willingly take something so daunting over without telling me...and without attempting to make it work better." Addison stretches out, pushing her warm feet under his jean covered legs, "That's what I don't get. Why didn't you want to tell me? Why don't you want to share with me? Are we going toward that again? Cause I don't know how to stop us if you aren't helping."

"You're freaking out a little," Derek smarts and pries her feet out to massage her heels.

"This is a big deal to me."

"Addie you are first person I wanted to tell."

"But you didn't," she corrects, moaning a little as his fingers dig deeper into her overused feet.

"No, I'm an ass."

"True." She laughs a little, giving it some effort but letting her eyelids stay sealed. Having a conversation half awake is more productive then she thought it would be.

"From now on I will brave the waters of your dark hormonal side."

She lets it go, mostly because she knows she was a mess of insecurity and raw feelings. And she still has her doubts but with everyday there is gradual progress in her abilities and it eases her mind. She never imagined she would be a new mother with three children. In hindsight this was actually a horrible idea, not that she can say that out loud. "You're missing things."

Derek lowers his head. He knows. He's seen a few of the things he's missed and had a sudden moment of 'When did that happen?' but there is nothing he can do about any of that now. "Tell me about the things Add. Just because I can't be here doesn't mean I don't want to hear."

"Now?" she yawns.

"Sure, just a few so I don't feel like a bad father and then we will go to bed, together."

"They talk a lot, mostly just imitating what I say but they are learning too, what the words mean, really quick. I feel like we aren't going to be able to keep up soon. And they still hate their sister and they're jealous and I don't know how to deal with that...and Izzie was so good at it...and Carson is still pretty quiet but she babbles more and she can hold her head up a lot more now if she's on her tummy, which she hates by the way, I think because she can't see what's going on...and she's a sitting duck for her brothers. And she gets scared when Graham barks. And," she raises her voice a little in case he drifted off somewhere during her rambling, "Carter hardly cried through his bath tonight. It was...magic."

"Wow," Derek says genuinely impressed by all of it and by the absolute cuteness his wife exudes when telling him about all of their adventures. He knows she's ridiculously and inappropriately apprehensive about her abilities as a mother but she's so damn attentive that it's hard to fault her when she does stupid things like getting drunk and running away from home. In fact, she could probably tell him exactly how many cheerios Collin ate this morning or how many minutes his daughter napped for this afternoon.

"Yeah," Addison nods, her face brushing against the red material, finding a sudden burst of accomplished pride.

"Bed?" he questions, resting her foot against his lap.

"Do we have to move?"

"You'll be happier in the morning if we do," he reminds her. The couch, he has learned, is not that great for overnight visits.

"Right." She contemplates staying put but before she can give it too much thought she finds herself up in Derek's arms. "What are you doing?"

"Helping my tired wife find her bed."

"I'm not having makeup sex with you. I can't stay awake for that, no offense." She cuddles into his chest as they find the stairs and keeps her mouth shut about being too heavy and having a stupid girl freak out about being dropped. If he thinks he can manage then she isn't going to say a word.

"None taken, and I'm not trying to get in your lovely pants." He takes the first stair confidently and notices when she relaxes in his arms.

She frowns at her plaid pajama pants. "They're comfortable."

He grins, "I know, they're mine."

"I missed you," she confesses. She's actually slept in something of his, whether it be a plain undershirt, or a long Yankees tee, or his favorite thermal every night. She found, all those years ago that really do seem farther in history than they are, that this helps.

"I missed you too Add." He pauses to kiss the top of her head and then continues on, taking her to the room that they share, assured that this night will be very different than all the ones they have had in the last few weeks, maybe even in months.

It's time to grow up and grow together.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**


End file.
